you remember that time when....?

kids i am off to chicago..

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 03:26:50 GMT

so, tomorrow i am going to dallas, and then from there, i am off to chicago with alix, chance and philip on a train...to see the hubbles last show...I don t know if anybody else from lubbock is going or not...so if you have any msg or somethign you want to give them, let me know and i will give it to them in person...

horoscopes are scary

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 05:07:06 GMT

"It's your fierce spirit of independence versus your longing for true love, and it's a knock-down, drag-out fight right now. You, caught in the middle, may feel pretty torn. How about getting them to kiss and make up?"

wow...fuck...

that is so acurate...

burritos, dennys, katrina, ex boyfriends, landlords, bottles of whiskey gone in a night...

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 10:38:53 GMT

wow...it has been a while...i have turned to myspace lately...

but a lot of things have changed...not just my choice of website for blogging....

I would not change any of the negative things that have happened to me for anything...
the situations that i have been put in this summer have made me grow up..again...i have rediscovered my old self...

i love my friends...i have been in training for 3 weeks...and i have had seperation anxiety from not seeing some people...i have looked forward to getting out of work to see people...and nothing more....i was so antisocial this whole summer...and now i am back to normal...and it makes me so happy...sorry to anybody who was a victim of my crazy...antisocial...fucked up...behavior...

it has not been the best of summers....

but where i am now is because of it...and i would not change anything for that...
i have a job, and money...and people that i can stay up late with and wake up the next morning with pain in my cheeks from smiling and laughing so much...

i miss a lot of people still...i have not been able to fix other things with some people, and i regret it...but i guess i will just let things happen...and not try to force, or push for...anything.

i went with the flow, and i was so scared, and it ended up being the ride of my life...and i have some scars, and some great fucking stories...

it has been a while since i have smiled so much

sorry...

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 21:46:07 GMT

I am just going to come out and say this...
I have heard about people making assumptions about my actions towards the radio station and the people there....
honestly, whatever people have heard is not true...
I wont be doing DJ shift at the station this semester because I will be working a full time job and I am going to be very busy working on several other projects, and I still plan on doing a lot of things for street team and anything else I can do. I am really upset about having to take a hiatus from teh station, but honestly, I have been sooo busy and I really need the extra money this semester...I don't hate everybody at the station either...I don't hate people, not unless they have really done something wrong to me...or to one of my friends...I hate coming out and just being kinda in your face via live journal...that is kinda lame, but I have been busy, and the summer has not been too pleasant, and my group of friends has changed, but that happens a lot. sorry to anybody who thinks anything bad of me because I have not been around and because of what you have heard...I start training at relay on monday, and will be missing street team, hiring meeting and other things for the first 3 weeks...that sucks, but it is important.

on another note...hunter s. thompson's ashes are going to be loaded into fireworks and shot off...thats cool

i saw a shooting star tonight

Sat, 20 Aug 2005 03:29:44 GMT

well, I start work at relay on monday...woohoo, money!
i will be working full time after training...woohoo, staying busy!
there was going to be a cookout at my house sunday, but not anymore, because meshawn is leaving town again, and I just don't feel like being social...woohoo!

I am exhausted...

"what happens when a cat eats dog food?"

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 07:58:02 GMT

tonight: ingrid and i played "is that spider a black widow?" loads of fun...
quite an adrenaline rush...
then flip and tye came over...
and flip can't talk right now because he is sick...so he is writing everything on a notepad...and it is really cute, because he will think of something and smile, and kinda giggle, and then write...speaking of flip...for everybody that did not come to the show at the Media Blitz house on saturday with johnny handgunn, you missed out...it was great...and you shouldn't ever miss a show over there again...i have been to 3, i think, maybe 4...i am not sure, and they are always fun...it works out well for me because I live less than a block away, so I can drink at my house, and then stumble over there, and then at the end of the night, stumble home...

john is back in town, he has been passed out for a while, poor thing...there will be much socializing this weekend
this week we have to finish up everything with the old house, and that sucks, but once it is done, I will be a lot happier, and so will john...and I hopefully will be getting a job at relay (where ingrid works) and it will be a full time job because i need the money...and the insurance coverage.

and then hopefully....hopefully...i will be able to go on a vacation to denver in september or october...

it is kinda wierd that the summer is coming to an end...
i was a different person at the beginning...and it was not somebody that i liked, and I am still changing...but at the beginning of the summer, I was really wondering how the fuck I was going to get to the end of it...and I turned out better than I started...
but i have started to notice that I am very overcritical of myself these days...i take everything i say and overanalyze, and wonder how I come off to people...and then start to become a lot more critical of everything I do, and I start to try to find reasons for all of my actions...and every once in a while I just have to step back and tell myself to stop...because it is not worth making myself anti social, or paranoid...which is probably what this might turn into if I don't put it in check soon.

I need to keep myself busy...and it is not like I have not been...but I am afraid if i let things get too calm, I will just open myself up to another problem, and then they will start to pile up again like they did this summer

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 22:42:38 GMT

meshawn is back in town!!! after a month of being gone, she has returned, and we are gonna drink tonight and make fun of and/or compliment guys in playgirl while eating good food!!!! woohoo!!!

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 08:38:38 GMT

i just realized that my cat midnight is a gutter punk in feline form...
.

oh...the things we do for fun

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 20:50:09 GMT

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 07:41:52 GMT

If i could scream right now at the top of my lungs...i would...
tonight was awesome...
and also made me realize a lot about me....
and about guys...
and about....

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT MOTHER FUCKING CUNT!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!

i had a good pick of guys...and all i wanted was the one guy...

mother fucker..

yeah...if by any chance you are reading this...
you know who you are...
and you are driving me crazy...

oh my gawd...i am in a dress...

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 02:42:33 GMT

wow...it has been a busy week...

but i don't feel like talking about it...so i will just copy and paste this:

Heaven In Her Arms - Converge
Death was a simple glance across a dim lit room
And those eyes did it
Those three words did it
Those three words killed him
And I surrender to you
Forgive me for the sadness
And the bringing of you down
I just needed a lover and I needed a friend
And there you were
Running from forever like all the rest
Three simple words bled me dry
Three simple word bled us dry
I love you

anyway...I am not being emo...i just have the song stuck in my head...good stuff..
That hurts me in so many ways..

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 19:07:45 GMT

apparently....tinseltown is too good for The Devil's Rejects...

"we have other movies we need to be playing"

bastards

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 18:27:11 GMT

my brain feels funny...
and I get my car today...in about an hour....

and duchess!!!!

Yay for puppies!!!
(and lesbians)

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 09:30:11 GMT

why do I always go for the shy ones?

I am so paranoid

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 10:21:47 GMT

Okay, after everything that has happened in the last few months, I am really scared of people knocking on my door, and me not knowing who it is, or not expecting them. It is fucking 5, and for the second time tonight, somebody has come and rang my doorbell for 30 minutes. When you are upstairs and slightly waisted, oh yeah, and asleep, going downstairs to see who it is really fucking sucks. Once I get my dog back, it wont be a problem, because when she hears a doorbell, she gets ready to fuck shit up, and she wont be leashed in the house, so I could just open the door and let her go crazy if I really wanted to....so, I will be fine when she is hear...but until then, I am going to start answering the door with a dartgun...

Now I can't go back to sleep....

FUCK!

my new house

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 02:49:27 GMT

my new house reminds me of the house in amityville horror....

but in lubbock,

no lake or boat house...

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 13:34:16 GMT

i took the night off last night and read, and wrote, and listened to music, and I fell asleep around 3, but for some reason I cannot sleep anymore.
My eyes hurt.

my dream for today...

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 23:55:40 GMT

I want to get my ass kicked at a Converge show....

They are planning a US tour for the end of the year or something, and even if they don't come to the LBK, I will drive to see them (if I have a car) because I have not been to a good aggressive show since Blood Brothers.

fuck man...

Fri, 01 Jul 2005 05:22:51 GMT

the statement "when it rains, it pours" has never been more true for me....

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 16:45:19 GMT

I feel like I should call john...but I don't really know if I should, or if it would start a fight...or if things are still okay, or if everything between us is fucked...

i have a lot to do today.

i'm buried but breathing...

Thu, 30 Jun 2005 06:47:05 GMT

today, I drove around a lot, and tried to figure shit out...

i listened to a lot of converge, troubled hubble and...dizzee rascal???

in other news...

i have fallen in love with an idea...
cannot stop thinking....
cannot stop dreaming....
i need to stop smoking...

i want to put a new transmission in my mazda, and put a really nice sounds system in it, but not fix all of the hail damage or fucked up paint, or dents...or a lot of other cosmetic damage...I don't know why...I love my car, it is the only way I have to escape...I would be lost without it...

thats about it for now...I am going to travel a lot in august hopefully, maybe the end of july too...

so there is a light at the end of all this shit...

i am drunk

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 04:57:29 GMT

okay....

after fixing my car...screaming on the phone for hours, a $200 speeding ticket (for going 12 miles over the speed limit!!!!) my car acting fucked up again...and lots of other terrible fucking shit...my "vacation" is over....

i had to leave my dog in fort worth and drive straight to lubbock today...

but i am at a nice hotel drinking heavily right now...i wont lie...i am fucked up, and i am not paying for any of this...

good stuff that happened in the past 10 days:
i got to see my dad, john, goby blue, got some action, and i jumped around to troubled hubble last night...

chris looked especially hot singing under a pair of sheer blue panties that were dangling from the ceiling above him. funny, i cannot remember what HE was wearing...all i remember are the panties.

it wasn't the same as a LBK show...but it still kicked ass....they fucking rock and i get to see them again on sunday...

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 05:57:38 GMT

okay. today I took this at above 11,000 feet. It is in rocky mountian national park, and I had to keep telling myself it was not real because when you are driving up a mountian and there is a several thousand foot drop 2 feet over, it can really start to make you uncomfortable.

holy shit, it was so beautiful that I could not believe that it was real...the whole car ride through the mountians, I could not say anything because what I was seeing was seriously to spectacular for words...this picture does not do it justice....I cannot believe I was up that high...past the timber line...at the highest I think I was at 12,184...and there was still snow, and I was wearing fucking flip flops and a tank top....

fuck..

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 05:57:38 GMT

...

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 04:58:57 GMT

today was so fucking awesome until trouble from lubbock came to haunt me.

during my vacation!!! come on!

on the plus side....
I did get to go to red rock ampitheater, buffalo bill's grave, and to the denver zoo (they have penguins and polar bears)!!!

after all that good stuff, shit hit the fan....

for just once, I would like to not have to worry about anything except having fun...

but noooo....that would be too easy.

p.s. ingrid...dont forget my shift tomorrow!!!